


Can't Put The Past Behind

by found_the_good_things



Category: We Are The Tigers - Allen
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, I'm not sure yet, i don't have much of a plan right now, probably will be chai?, um i'm not sure what to put in the tags rn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29893677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/found_the_good_things/pseuds/found_the_good_things
Summary: What's done has been done, and there's no way to change it, no matter how badly Cairo wants to.Which doesn't explain how she's inexplicably seventeen again, sitting in Riley's basement.
Relationships: Cairo & Riley (We Are The Tigers)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Can't Put The Past Behind

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!!!! so today i found this fic called go back one more time (and begin it) by @/novelconcepts on tumblr, @/novel_concept26 on here, and it's a bly manor fic that gave me the inspiration for this!
> 
> trigger warnings (most of these don't apply to this chapter, but will to the entire fic)  
> \- character death (canonical character death, but possibly also characters who don't die in canon)  
> \- canon-compliant violence/blood  
> \- canon-compliant mentions and descriptions of knives  
> \- canon-compliant mention of alcohol  
> \- canon-complaint mention of drugs  
> \- canon-compliant mention of addiction
> 
> i'm pretty sure that's it, let me know if i've missed any!

Cairo’s phone buzzes about twice a minute, but she doesn’t check it.

She knows what’s going on - it’s probably a conversation they’ve had before. Cairo and the other former Tigers have a lot of the same conversations. Even after finally putting their differences aside and making an effort to befriend each other, the team never really _understood_ each other, and they never really knew how to talk to each other. But they still tried, if only to know there was still someone out there on their side.

Tonight’s one of those nights where all of them are desperate to know there’s someone on their side.

Today is twenty five years since the night when things started to go wrong, when Riley cracked enough that there was no going back and nobody even knew. Sometimes it feels like it happened yesterday, and sometimes it feels like it happened a thousand years ago, to someone else - certainly not Cairo. There’s no way that fucking nightmare was _Cairo’s_ life.

All the anniversaries of that stupid sleepover never started to feel real until the evening, when Cairo was home from work and finishing her dinner and the sun was going down, because that _day_ was completely normal right up until they heard Kate scream. Today, though, Cairo’s been hyper aware of what day it is - of what they’ve lost, and when they lost it. Normally, she’d be texting back in the group chat - even if it was never the best comfort for her, it was for her friends, and that was enough. But she can’t face it right now. She just wants to be alone.

One of the reasons it’s hard, she thinks, is because they were all… better. Happy again, even if picking up the pieces was hell. They’d all carved out lives for themselves, fought to keep everything they cared about close, moving on and healing and just… normal again. But that group chat blowing up is a reminder that everyone right now is remembering that night and looking to each other for comfort, and nobody’s happy, and tonight is hard, and Cairo can’t deal with everyone else’s pain on top of hers - not tonight. Normally she puts everyone else first, but she can’t do that right now.

She’s so tired. So tired of knowing there are people who aren’t here that are _supposed_ to be here - Chess and Farrah and Clark and-

Riley.

Riley should be here.

Cairo was supposed to have her best friend for senior year. Cairo and Riley were supposed to figure it out together, be a team, and just… have a normal senior year. And Riley was the one who stole that, which still makes Cairo feel so guilty about missing it. Riley’s the one who ruined that senior year - why should Cairo want to have it with her?

_What if she didn’t?_

Cairo’s wondered that before, mostly in the two or three years after high school. What if Riley hadn’t snapped? What if that night had been fine, and Chess, Farrah, and Clark had all walked away, and everything was… fine? What then?

Annleigh and Clark probably would’ve gotten married. Mattie might’ve quit the team after being dared to drink. Maybe Kate would’ve quit the team, too, after fighting with Chess. Reese would’ve stayed the picked-on mascot. Eva would’ve stayed distant Eva Sanchez, nothing more than a name Riley constantly talked about.

It’s a bit harder now to wonder what would’ve happened, because the way the world crashed down around them that night was the reason they rebuilt it the way they did. Clark and Annleigh would be happy, but would Reese? Kate would have Chess, but she might never have Eva. The team would still hate each other - they’d rush out of high school and immediately block each other’s numbers and pretend the others never existed.

Cairo stands up suddenly, shaking just a bit. She can’t do this anymore, can’t sit here and wonder and think and ignore her texts. She leaves her phone on the table - it’ll be dead in the morning, but she’ll deal with that later. She just wants to fall into bed and cover her head with the pillow and fall into a sleep too deep for dreams about Riley. That’s it.

She’s not expecting sleep to come as quickly and easily as it does.

~

When Cairo wakes up, something’s wrong.

She’s not in bed - why is she still on the couch? Why isn’t she even laying down? And hadn’t she been wearing those too-long flannel pajama pants? Isn’t her laptop still in her work bag, not on her lap?

And then her eyes open.

She’s not in her living room. There’s no window in front of her, overlooking the entire city, lit up with thousands of lights and cars winding through the streets. She’s looking at her computer on her lap, playing… _Cheerleader Kill Squad._ That show she’d been obsessed with right up until seeing Chess on the bench. She hadn’t watched a single episode since that night.

She hasn’t worn this Tiger jersey since that night either, in fact. It’s Brad’s - her boyfriend, right up until the day after… after Cairo lost Riley, too. It had been such a miracle Cairo had stuck it out in that stupid relationship that long.

She’s… in the basement.

Riley’s basement.

In August of 2019.

Which shouldn’t be possible, right? It’s 2044 - it’s been a long time since those nights. It’s _not that night._

But it is.

And nothing’s gone wrong yet.

 _I bet this is a dream_ , Cairo thinks, watching her show without really watching it. _I’m just dreaming. I’m just… gonna have to see this again, right?_

But then she shouldn’t be able to move her hand, right? She should be stuck in going through the motions she went through the first time, if it’s a dream - or if she’s just gonna have to relive it. But no, she can change the fact that her hand’s on the arm of the couch, so… what else can she change?

Right now, Chess is driving Kate to Riley’s house. Farrah is at a party an entire county away. Clark is sitting in the driver’s seat, still in Annleigh’s driveway, as she furiously fills up her stepsister’s voicemail. Riley is… Riley’s upstairs, in the kitchen.

_Maybe she’s grabbing a knife._

“We’re not watching that crap,” says a too-familiar voice from behind Cairo. There’s footsteps, and then a hand clutching a green can of La Croix, closing Cairo’s laptop with the back of her fingers. Cairo looks up before realizing what she’s doing, and feels like someone’s punched her in the stomach.

Riley’s standing there. Seventeen-year-old Riley Williams, red hair tied back with an orange bow, cherry-red lipstick, slight frown. Riley’s _here_ , and she’s still Cairo’s Riley, before she did anything.

Cairo shoves her laptop aside and stands up in a rush, her heart hammering. “Riley- oh my God, Ri-”

Riley steps back, looking surprised. “Cai? Is… everything okay?”

Cairo almost reaches to grab Riley by the shoulders, but stops herself before she can. “Ri, listen to me, you have to listen- I know you’re scared, I know how you’re feeling, but you can’t kill Chess and Farrah, that’s not going to solve anything, _please_ , Riley-”

Riley’s eyes narrow just a bit, but then the world is spinning and Cairo’s vision goes black.

~

She’s sitting on the couch, computer on her laptop, wearing Brad’s jersey.

_Shit._

Okay, so she doesn’t have to follow the same script as that night. Good to know. But she can’t just… tell Riley to stop. If she wants to stop her, she has to be more subtle.

_Maybe I won’t get to stop her._

Cairo shakes the thought out of her head as Riley’s voice rings around the basement. “We are not watching that crap,” exactly the same as before.

It takes her a moment to realize she’s supposed to respond. “Uh, it’s… it’s the season finale!” she says lamely as Riley closes her laptop. “I’m gonna have to mute Twitter or it’ll get spoiled in, like, one refresh!”

“That show is objectifying, sexualized, and unrealistic, and that has no place here tonight,” Riley lectures in her captain voice. Cairo always called it her captain voice, even the year before - Riley hadn’t technically been captain, but Kimberly was always shirking her duties, and Riley would take over for her, always speaking in the same “listen up!” tone.

 _It’s not real_ , Cairo said the first time, but… well, just an hour later, it was real, and she can’t force the words out of her throat. “Sorry,” she mutters instead.

“Cai, I’m gonna need your full support tonight, okay?” Riley puts a hand on Cairo’s shoulder, and Cairo can’t tell if she wants to shove her away or grab on to Riley and never let go. “Not like a co-captain, but, um… like a first mate, can you do that for me?”

Cairo half-heartedly salutes, trying not to let her voice shake. “Aye aye.”

Riley’s face breaks into a grin, and Cairo studies her expression, trying to figure out what’s going on inside her head. _Does she already know what she wants to do? Has she already decided Chess and Farrah don’t deserve to live?_

_Can I stop her?_

~

As Cairo opens the door, the first face she sees is Kate’s. Sixteen-year-old Kate looks at Cairo with a look of pure disgust, only first in line because Chess pushed them in front of her. Kate doesn’t want to be here.

_I don’t, either._

_I didn’t then, I don’t now._

Does Kate know, too? Cairo wonders suddenly. Is Kate trapped in this retelling, too?

“Hey, Kate,” she says, the words twisting them out of her mouth. “I- I, um- are you here, too? Are you- is this happening again for you, too?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Kate snaps, but before Cairo can respond, the world spins and her vision goes black.

~

Alright, so Cairo’s the only one reliving it. If Kate’s not back in time, too, it’s safe to say that Annleigh, Reese, Eva, and Mattie aren’t, either.

She needs time to make a game plan, but she doesn’t _have_ time - the doorbell is already ringing. Apparently she doesn’t have to jump all the way back to the beginning each time she fucks up - good to know.

“Can you get the door?” Riley asks.

“Yeah, I’m going,” Cairo mutters, jogging up the stairs.

She lets Kate into the house, closely followed by Chess - holy shit, that’s Chess. Cairo hasn’t seen her alive in so long, but she’s here, now, living and breathing and fine. She barely glances at Cairo, eyes fixed on Kate ahead of her, following them down to the basement. Cairo’s so busy watching Chess that she barely notices Mattie slipping past her, and then…

_Fuck._

_Reese._

Cairo looks at Reese, standing there on the porch step, wearing that lemon-patterned shirt and a nervous smile. She looks so hopeful… Cairo remembers wanting to crush that hope, just because that was how the world worked back then.

 _Reese is supposed to kill someone tonight, too_ , she realizes suddenly. _Riley’s not the only one I have to stop._

Reese isn’t saying anything - Cairo is supposed to speak first, right? Fuck, no…

She opens her mouth, and nothing comes out for a second. “What are you doing here?” she manages eventually, the words not coming out as mean as they had the first time.

Reese holds up her phone a little bit. “I… I got an invite!”

_Say it._

_You have to say it._

Cairo resists the urge to squeeze her eyes shut and looks at a point over Reese’s shoulder, unable to bear the flash of pain she knows is about to cross Reese’s face. “This is a cheerleader sleepover, not a…” She swallows. “Not a furry convention.”

_I can’t believe I ever said that._

“I’m part of the team,” Reese protests. She sounds like she’s trying to convince herself as much as Cairo.

“You can work the speaker,” Cairo mutters, still not looking at Reese. Reese brushes past her into the house, and Cairo takes a moment to collect herself, leaning against the door and taking deep breaths.

It’s barely been five minutes, and already, Cairo might break.

She doesn’t know how she’s supposed to make it through more of this.

She doesn't know how she's supposed to make it through the whole night.

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this is a really really ambitious new project and i don't have a very solid plan other than "cairo tries to keep riley from going stabby stabby" and it's gonna take a while and i don't know why i'm starting this now, the quarter ends this week and then i have four classes next quarter instead of three, plus other stuff, so idk how much free time i'll have and how much of that free time will let me be motivated to write, but i promise, i'll do my best to write as much as i can!!! but basically don't be surprised if i go a super long time without updating - i do want to finish this fic at some point!!! ok yeah that's it lol, please comment if you liked it and feel free to come visit me on tumblr, @/i-don-t-even-care!!!


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